Family

Sitting in the airport lounge and awaiting the boarding announcement, two children aged possibly between 8 to 12 years, a boy and a girl caught my attention. Both were talking and laughing continuously, when their attention was drawn to a new arrival, a flashily dressed bohemian with earrings, pierced nose, lips and what have you. The two kids stopped, stared the new arrival in stunned silence and then suddenly started talking in whispers and laughing with sideways glances. They nudged the lady sitting next to them, possibly their mother and with their eyes pointed towards the new arrival with glee. The mother shushed them with raised eyebrows but sported a sly smile. Three of them obviously enjoyed a very close relationship and could read each other minds and communicated with their eyes and expressions. One couldn't help but admire the manner in which they bonded, an epitome of a happy family.

Reminded me of how we, the two elder siblings badgered the youngest by telling her that she was purchased from the scrap dealer around the corner. We even showed her the shop and its brooding owner.  We also told her that since she was purchased on the sale of old newspapers, there was no need for her to listen to Mom. But the lies were exposed when Mother held her in her arms and shooed away the liars, bringing a smile of the young girl's face. Even today, we recollect that episode and laugh over it, much to the embarrassment of the youngest.

That's what a family is all about; love, concern, caring and knowing that there is always someone who watches out for you. It provides the security that people yearn for. More importantly the family make people feel they matter. The mother cooks the dishes her children like and parents are forever trying to meet all the demands of the children.  Everyone, the father, the mother and the children all feel that they matter. If anyone is displeased, others try and get that one to smile and then all is forgiven.

Only a man and a woman do not a full family make. Without children it appears incomplete.  As per Ogden Nash, families grow to comprise not only children but men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. No emotional attachment can ever equal the experience of having children.  The trust, unconditional love and joy that children display is unparalleled. The common example of the child laughing with glee when thrown up by the father is an epitome of the display of trust. Willingly and happily taking full control for the child's life and upbringing is a humungous responsibility. The love and joy the child displays openly for the parents more than makes up for the trouble involved in childcare and upbringing.

No discussion on family is complete without a mention of the institution of 'joint family' in the Indian context. Joint families today are rare, being restricted to a few family business households with members sharing common interests. A joint family in earlier times comprised at times four generations living together in a big house, with a patriarch and the matriarch. The joint family was like a circus, crazy as a loon and always with a joker in the pack, who everyone wants to disown in public. There is also the family's black sheep, a person no one talked about in front of the family head. While the adults, particularly the wives are involved full time in politics and mind games, the children had a whale of a time, with birthday celebrations every month, ritual gully cricket after school with brothers, sisters, cousins et al and the unspoken competition to get the highest score at school. Fights were common, but were resolved before the next meal. The bonding was very high and remained all through life.  One learnt lessons of life like waiting for your turn, patience, being respectful to elders, considerate and keeping secrets. The idea of sustainability had its origins in the joint family. Clothes, books, schoolbags, belts etc were always hand me down, till by turn they reached the youngest. Festivals saw all kids wearing frocks, shirts and shorts of the same design. The joint family was fun to be born into. But it was a mixed bag for others who never got used to the chaos and unusual rules laid down by the family head. 

All in all, family is one of the finest institutions emerging from mankind's social evolution. The family is the first people who know you, give you a name, a place to call your own and provide the root which nourishes your growth. More than any school or college, it is the family that transfers values, knowledge and culture to the child.  One may not like everything that is done or said by other members, but the redeeming part is that we continue to love them anyway. We are like branches of the tree, each growing and moving in a different direction, but the root remains the same and binds us forever, wherever in the world we may be. Cherish it as long as you can. It has no substitute. And thank God for it!!